Woman Left Lonely
by sydney.sue
Summary: Kakashi did not like Tsuki. He did not like her monotonous voice, her blank stare and her empty shell demeanor... But mostly, he did not like Tsuki because she saw through him without ever truly looking at him.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **

**New story :)**

**Originally called, _The Way It Is, _butI changed it. I may change it again later... hmm. We'll see how this whole thing turns out...**

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Prologue

Life had been so simple before.

I could see it now, every memory, every step we took, every laugh we shared…

It couldn't last forever, and the very thought had never occurred to me. We had fought against so many odds, so many opposing forces that I felt we were invincible, that we could withstand anything that fate threw at us.

My reflection stared back at me now, pallid and frozen at the future fate had set me up for. Rigid and tense, breaths came in heaving gasps until my knees finally buckled on my bathroom floor. It became very apparent that my previous confidence was a farce, completely over presumptuous against an omniscient force and my own self destruction.

Now was the moment that it became appalling obvious:

I was wrong.

I was so very, very wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

For the first time in months, my mind started to re-establish the boundaries of my sanity.

It was easy to forget the world around me, unplugging the phone, the television coated in dust from long disuse, locks on the door…

And I knew that I was content to rot away, let the world that I barely knew forget me. Wouldn't it be easier that way?

But then there was that promise.

I just couldn't forget that promise.

It mocked me sometimes, slipping into my dreams or echoing off the silence in my apartment turned asylum. The words streamed down with the water from the faucet and sang into the birds chirping outside. Now it was impossible, because I was being hounded by my own subconscious—there was no escape.

So now, my brain finally fixed the lost connection with the rest of my spinal cord. I felt my eyes flicker open, only to see the flashing 6:15 a.m. on the digital clock next to my bed. My body and mind coordinated, and sat up. The only truth from that ridiculous promise came forward after months of repression.

I had to relearn how to live my life.

But where to start?

My eyes cast downwards for a moment, taking in my messy appearance. Perhaps a shower first—that at least seemed like a good start.

As I let the water cascade over me, I couldn't help but notice how awful my body looked. Emaciated, dry skin, bitten nail beds… I hadn't even looked at my face, but the ribs poking out of my side looked _awful._ I would have to start eating properly again…

I avoided looking in the mirror when I stepped out of the bathroom, steam trailing behind me. Slipping on some clean sweats and braiding my waist long hair, I took a look around my room and found the next step to take.

Messy. Everything was messy and dirty.

So the day was spent gutting out my apartment, cleaning out month's worth of dust and laundry, vacuuming, disinfecting, etc. The only times I really took breaks were to prepare my meals, which admittedly, I over ate on all of them. The mental image of my ribs coming through my thin flesh seemed to be burned in my mind…

Then, as I diligently cleaned and organized, I found myself packing things away. It became clear that, as I moved through the apartment I had lived in since I was sixteen, I couldn't stay here. Because continuing to live here would only damage my psyche further, and I, for some reason, needed to live life.

Not some primordial instinct to survive, but a mere promise that forced me forward.

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And as my luck seemed to be going, I found the next step in my ever growing plan to keep that promise.

I waited a few weeks, allowing myself to gradually grow out of the cadaver look I had woken up to. My ribs gradually sank back into the rest of my body and the bluish bags under my eyes slowly became a part of the rest of my skin.

Semi-normal looking and clean, I ventured out of my apartment for the first time in… _months._

The sunlight was startling, causing a dull ache behind my eyes. Scents of the outdoors assaulted my senses—a mixture of spices wafting from restaurants nearby and the sweetness of the trees surrounding the village. My eyes adjusted to the light, but I kept to the less noticeable parts of town to avoid too much human contact.

The administration building came into view, and I quietly slipped inside. My gaze wandered for a moment, examining how the room changed and expanded slightly since I was last here.

"Excuse me, can I help you?"

The office lady to my right called out, and I briefly recognized the place I needed. Attempting to keep my face pleasant but blank, I headed over.

"I was looking to reinstate myself as a chunin…" I stated, masking my surprise at the steadiness of my own voice—how long had it been since I've spoken anyway?

It happened when I was cleaning and packing away my desk drawer that I noticed the navy fabric from my old headband sticking out between some folders. It was so obvious after that, what it was I should do from now on. If I couldn't live for myself, I could live for others through that little headband. I could at least find a purpose, for the mean time.

"Name?" the woman, whose name was Mei as stated by her silver nametag, seemed unfazed by my behavior or my request. I was momentarily grateful before stating my first name, and explaining politely that I didn't have a last name. Again, she was unsurprised and managed to pull my file out.

"Okay," she sighed pleasantly, flipping through for something significant. "It says that you successfully completed and passed the chunin exam, you were in work up until you were sixteen when you stepped down from your position for marital purposes." I flinched slightly, but her eyes stayed down on the paper in front of her. "This should be easy enough. I'll just have you fill out some paper work to start, okay?" Nodding thankfully as she handed me a clipboard, I went to sit down in the lobby area to fill out three pages of paperwork about why I quit being a shinobi, why I wanted to come back, etc.

Basically, things I didn't really want to talk about.

However, I barely got half way through when Mei called me back with a message. Apparently, I was being summoned by the Hokage for unspecified reasons. She looked concerned, brown eyes watching me with an upturned brow, and the corners of my mouth formed a grimace.

Mei escorted me up to the Hokage's office, softly mumbling about what this could be about, because such a thing wasn't usually done—clearly not normal procedure…

I was worried for an entirely different reason.

Sarutobi, or the Third Hokage, had always been so kind to my mother and me, almost treating us as an extension in family (or at least how my child mind viewed things at the time). He probably had a tracking notice in my file, so that when I chose to come back to work, he could clear things. And with as far south as my life has been going, I'm not surprised he chose to call me in.

The doors were already opened and Mei finally stopped muttering to herself.

"Hokage-sama," she spoke softly, with an invisible question mark at the end of her statement. He looked up through his cap and smiled pleasantly.

"Thank you, Mei," his voice rumbled pleasantly, and I had to fight off the comfortable nostalgia of his voice. She nodded politely, giving me one last curious worried glance, and left. I watched her go for a moment, stalling the true purpose of the meeting, before turning back to the old man in front of me.

"Hokage-sama." Bowing politely, I kept my eyes on the ground to avoid looking in his eyes. He chuckled slightly and ushered me to a chair resting in front of his desk.

"Tsuki, my child, it has been far too long."

I nodded slightly, in what I hoped appeared to be an apologetic manner.

"I hear you want to become a chunin again. Do you care to tell me why?" His chin rested casually on top of his fist, and I suddenly felt like a child again. It unnerved me, and I fought the temptation to fidget in the spotlight.

"I would like to become an active member of society, Hokage-sama." That was partially true, at least.

"Tsuki," he sighed, clearly disapproving. My teeth ground together in mild agitation.

"Why… do you ask me such a question when you _obviously _know the answer?" I sighed.

"How could I let you risk your life when you're in such a state? And how could I trust a comrade's life in your hands? I doubt that you're coming back to work for the sake of the people, Tsuki…"

"What… exactly do you want from me…?" I breathed, momentarily confused by the fact that I should be angry right now, but I couldn't only feel a twinge of guilt and exhaustion. He watched me with cautious eyes, but he was listening none the less.

"I have nothing—absolutely nothing—that I want in this life, but I made a promise to never let go of it. With nothing to live for, what do you want me to do? Live in _that apartment _that holds _every memory _of the happiness I'll never have again? Or do you expect me to go through each day _by myself _with no job or means of leaving the apartment while I'm always teetering on the edge between insanity and suicide?_" _my voice was analytical, almost robotic with no emotion. The only hint of my sincerity came in the softness of my tone, and it was the most emotion I had to give.

"I am _trying, _Sarutobi. I am trying harder than you can imagine right now, and I promise you that if I cannot live for myself, I will live my life to save others from becoming like me. So please," I was begging now, looking him directly in the eye. I had no pride left, nothing left to compromise by begging. Though my voice was composed and monotonous, I pleaded with him.

"Please," I whispered, "I _am _trying, I really am."

He stayed silent for a long time, his eyes probing for some answer I might not be giving. But all I had said was true, and in the end he just sighed—pinching the bridge of his nose in the process.

"You have two months to get back into physical and mental shape. That's it, Tsuki, so do not mess up this chance," he stated firmly, but he looked back up at me with soft, caring eyes, and I looked down to avoid it. I couldn't handle his care right now, but I was truly grateful. Bowing, I slipped outside his office and almost mowed over some shinobi coming in at the same time.

I mumbled an apology, but I didn't look at their eyes. My mind was already whirling around the things I needed to do, and it was pleasing to know that there was so much to occupy me.

I didn't even have the grace to question whether or not I could prepare myself in time.

Two months?

It had to be done, therefore, it will.

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**Author's Note:**

**Second time's the charm. Half of my chapter was missing when it uploaded... oops?**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

It was summer now, and the heat wave passing through the little village was bordering on sweltering. The air was heavy, and it left people pleasantly lazing around without a need for an excuse. Deciding that it was too hot to cook something himself, Kakashi headed down to the convenience store for something quick and simple. Kakashi, despite his appearance, actually enjoyed simple mundane tasks such as going to the grocery store or doing laundry. Especially after stepping down from his position in ANBU, it was a relief to come back to down to Earth. He like having the time to read, or eat a full meal—even sleeping for a full time period was a nice change of pace.

It was on his way back that he ran into a rather large cardboard box, with the only thing indicating a person holding it were the pale arms wrapped around it's frame and the legs protruding out. Seeing that it was heading towards his apartment complex, he acted instinctively and opened the door, muttering an "after you." He got a mumble in return, but it was smothered behind the presumed moving box.

He waited a moment, looking around to see if there were any other movers. It seemed slightly odd that no one else was involved, but he decided not question it.

It really wasn't his business, and he just really didn't care that much.

Living on the top floor of a four story building didn't usually bother him either, but the heat continued to get worse with each step. It left him sighing with day dreams about the air conditioner in his apartment. He could afford to enjoy such luxuries now, after all.

As he pulled the key out from his pocket, he noticed the apartment next to him had the door wide open, a box holding the door as another sat idly in the hallway. He briefly remembered Miss Asako, the previous tenant and neighbor, moving out sometime ago.

_Ah, so I have a new neighbor._

It was then that she emerged.

It was… a peculiar moment, if had any means of describing it. His head cocked to the side a little as he looked at her.

She was apparently tall, almost as tall as him, and as she bent down to open the box in the hallway, he could see the strength in which she carried herself. Strong shoulders, sturdy arms, long legs—oddly enough, she reminded him of an oak tree.

The door across the hall opened suddenly, causing Kakashi and the new tenant to turn.

"Can you keep it down out here?" the voice of Akito-san boomed, as he stood in the doorway with his robe opened just a little too far on his chest (revealing more hair than he had on his slicked back head) and settling just a little too high on his thighs.

Kakashi looked down at the bag that had contained his dinner sadly, silently mourning the loss of his appetite. His new neighbor looked up at Akito, barely containing similar disgust.

"Excuse me…?" Her voice sounded smooth and pleasant, despite the bizarre situation.

"My lady friend doesn't like the noise in the hallway, it makes her self-conscious," a lecherous grin formed as he waggled his eyebrows, "She's the shy type."

He watched in humor as she turned slightly blue with acute horror.

"Forgive me, I didn't realize I was making so much noise," she mumbled through clenched teeth, her words coming out rushed. Kakashi still stood, witnessing the scene with much amusement. The corner of his mouth twitched upward as the door closed and she turned away from it, eyeing her boxes with uncertainty.

"It's not quite as bad as it seems, though I would invest in a pair of ear plugs," he mentioned lightly, catching her full attention now.

He blanched as she faced him fully.

She was absolutely stunning, even her face was surprisingly feminine for such a strong looking character. Full, pale lips parted slightly at his words, and he couldn't help but notice that the bottom lip was a little out of proportion with the top. White waves tumbled down from a loose page boy styled haircut to hang delicately in front of her brow—which was curved upward at the previous scenario. Her wide eyes held the purest aqua marine irises, framed by feathery long dark brown lashes.

But her eyes, as pretty as they were, held almost nothing.

It was a gaze he knew very well in his profession, and it was that gaze that made her a ghost in front of him.

"Oh? It gets worse?" she sighed, standing up and dusting herself off in the process.

"Tsuki-chan, here's your spare key," a voice called behind them. Ms. Yoshiro stepped forward with an outstretched hand, and his neighbor (apparently named Tsuki) stepped forward with a tentative smile.

"Arigato," she stated politely, slipping the key into her baggy cargo pants.

"I hope you enjoy your time here, honey," their land lord smiled at her warmly, and then nudged Kakashi's arm gently. "Make sure to watch out for your new neighbor, okay Hatake-kun?"

Ms. Yoshiro had been a wonderful landlord. He had lived here for the majority of his life, and she had always been considerate of his position, whether he was away on a long mission and couldn't get rent in on time or even when his hounds appear in his apartment when pets aren't allowed.

So he chuckled and agreed.

The older lady slipped away and Kakashi finally managed to get to his apartment door.

"H-Hatake-san…"

He looked over at his neighbor with his door partially opened, surprised that she was addressing him.

"Yes?"

She looked down at her feet for a moment, shifting awkwardly with her hands in her pockets, and he could almost see her trying to form the right words.

"I know that… saying something like this to someone I just met is wrong—even a little cruel in your first impression and how you deal with me in the future—but…," she paused again, taking a deep breath as whatever she needed to say finally surfaced. Lifting her head, their eyes met, and her liquid gaze softened as a sad smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"Don't waste your time on me, Hatake-san. I'm nothing but trouble."

And just like that, the moment ended, leaving Kakashi standing partially in his doorway as she picked put the last box and closed the door behind her. His shoulders slumped with a sigh and he slipped inside the comfort of his apartment. The last fifteen minutes felt like a day passing by.

And all he wanted to do was get dinner.

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**Author's Note:**

**I lied. Kakashi is in the second chapter ;)**

**Enjoy!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3

As I lay on the floor of my new apartment, boxes creating a cardboard castle around me, my head lolled over to my left hand. My fingers flexed, and in the moonlight my hand almost glittered. There were very few times in my life where I had ever been self conscious of my looks, but it always irked me that I could be so impossibly pale in a place where it's almost always sunny.

I brought both my hands together, now hovering above me in a moon beam.

I had always been thin, so my hands were slender with musician fingers—though I've never been able to play an instrument. The nails were short and recovering from a bad nail biting habit, but they were pink and vital. They continued to sparkle a little, my skin almost translucent in the white light.

I liked my hands. I always have.

So many amazing things could be accomplished with such little tools, and I knew that with these hands, I would fight my way up to standing on my own two feet again.

These hands have nothing to do with anyone but me—they were all my own.

And now, so is this life.

I feel asleep on that unfamiliar wooden floor with that fact sighing in my head like a lullaby.

When I woke, light was just beginning to taint the night sky in the east. I didn't move out of my position on the floor—I was content to stay curled up towards the window on my left side, watching the light come through my window and land on my intertwined hands.

The urge to remain forever immobile became all too tempting.

I managed to roll over and pick myself off the floor with more effort than was necessary. Digging through one of boxes labeled with my scribbled penmanship, I pulled out running clothes and my earphones.

Running could be a metaphor for a lot of things, but I didn't think about it. I didn't think about anything when I ran, really. I liked the constant pulse of my feet hitting the ground and trying to keep my breathing even, and it was only while running that I liked the constant motion that I was going anywhere my feet could take me.

So I booked it out the door, locking it carefully after remembering the neighbors I've seen, and ran down a couple flights of stairs to burst into the open air.

Kakashi stood thoughtfully in front of the memorial, lids half closed and even breathing. His thoughts centered him. He felt like he had disconnected with his body some time ago, and time momentarily stopped mattering. It was in front of this memorial that he remembered the past and contemplated the future, and just let his mind focus on things that seem unimportant but actually are.

He wasn't really one for insomnia, because with his profession he learned how to fall asleep immediately after a mission to get as much rest as possible before the next. Yet, that morning, he found himself staring up at his ceiling at four in the morning, still some time before the sun rose. Instead of wasting his time wishing for sleep that wouldn't come, he decided to go clear his thoughts.

Through some sort of searching, he found that it was his mother's birthday today.

It was odd, that it would hit him like this, that he would find himself not restless, but uncertain about the particular anniversary. His mother had passed away not soon after he was born, due to complications during childbirth, so he never really knew her. He couldn't ever remember celebrating it, let alone being around for it, but it suddenly hit him today specifically that it was her birthday.

Even as the sun rose and lit up the stone memorial, he was still at a loss.

It was while contemplating this that he heard the rustle of the trees behind him. So he was a little surprised that somebody would be wandering in this area at this hour, but when the figure finally slipped through the trees, he felt his eyebrows shoot upwards.

It was nobody other than his new neighbor.

Her name escaped him, but it seemed that he couldn't forget a face like hers. It didn't even seem superficial, because anybody would react the same way—it was like meeting Snow White in the flesh. And so she walked out between some trees, her hair slightly in disarray and her brow furrowed. Despite himself, he found himself fighting the urge to smile.

She mumbled lightly, something about it being the wrong turn, as she attempted to fix herself. It was when she looked up that she finally noticed his presence and froze. Her eyes went between him and the memorial he stood in front of, and then dropped with a feminine frown.

"I'm sorry," she breathed. It took a moment before Kakashi realized that she was apologizing for the interruption

"It's okay, you know. I was almost finished anyways," his eye curved into what he hoped was a pleasant smile, and waved his hand in a peaceful gesture. Her frown deepened, causing a small thoughtful wrinkle between her brows. It was such an obscure look to something so simple—she was looking at him much carefully than he expected her too. He blinked in confusion and slight curiosity.

"Something… wrong?"

The corners of her mouth turned down delicately.

"No, nothing at all," she sighed, turning away and brushing away some dirt around her knee.

Unease settled with him then, though he couldn't quite explain it. There was nothing wrong with his gesture— it was a normal, and not unusual to how he usually acted. His visible lid lowered in slight suspicion… she reacted strangely to everything.

"Were you heading somewhere in particular?" he asked politely, turning his attention to his mysterious neighbor. She looked up again and sighed slightly, but not at him. She took a few steps forward, with empty but gentle eyes.

"You come here often," she stated blankly, her eye running through the different names on the memorial.

"I suppose."

"I know this rock is a memorial, where loved ones can come with prayers and blessing with the memories of their loved ones… but to me, this rock will always be cruel. Though one can reminisce at the sight of a name, the pain will always resurface. This rock makes it impossible for people to move on, as their loved ones would want. And whether it is inanimate or not, and though it may seem irrational, I suppose I cannot forgive it."

Kakashi watched her carefully now, almost leaning away from her somewhat rudely, suddenly feeling uncertain in the situation. The sun was finally starting to stream through the trees, and it used her skin like a blank canvas—she was white in the half darkness of the pre-dawn and now she glittered with a summery yellow. He had once thought of her as strangely beautiful, if not somewhat alien, but now it was her stoic, monochromatic, temperament that made her almost… _ugly. _She did not turn back to him when she spoke next, for which he was later grateful for.

"I can't help but think that it is the same for you Hatake-san, even if the one you can't forgive is yourself."

She parted silently after that, neither of them saying a parting word. Kakashi would not have said anything to such a run around conversation anyways, because he couldn't guarantee the answer that came out would be controlled. He couldn't help but feel dislike for his new neighbor—what was her name?

Tsuki.

Kakashi did not like Tsuki.

He did not like her monotonous voice, her blank stare and her empty shell demeanor. He did not like the things she said, nor the quiet bubble she existed in next door to him.

But mostly, he did not like Tsuki because she saw through him without ever truly looking at him.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4

I avoided everything, it seems.

I avoided talking to anyone, if at all possible. The incoming calls would always go to voicemail, and I never called back unless it was necessary. I avoided busy public routes, often choosing to hop buildings rather than walk the streets.

The sound of music, which used to make me relatively happy, was now foreign to me. I didn't even own a television, not that it got much use before either. Numerous books were left in storage, with the exception of technique and training manuals.

Even my clothes reflected the void I put myself into. My wardrobe once consisted of dresses and skirts—I didn't really own many pairs of pants. There were frills and lace everywhere you looked, clothes with a feminine cut that actually managed to flatter my thin frame. Now there were no indications of any kind of my previous taste. My clothes were all work clothes—clothes that held no particular value other than to be worn.

Saying I didn't care was wrong, because it was actually the opposite. I did care. I didn't want to be reminded of anything that could break the unstable ground I started to rebuild on. It was more or less like being in recovery from a horrible physical accident. I had to take one step at a time until I was ready.

I just didn't know what I was getting ready for.

I had not talked to my neighbor since the incident at the memorial. I think a part of me wanted that remorse—to feel guilty for making him feel awkward or putting him on the spot like that—but all I received was an echo of what should've been. He would acknowledge me when necessary, but otherwise avoided me.

It was for the best, I think. I warned him in the first place that I would not be his brand of company.

I walked through a quieter part of town, heading to the store for some staples that had depleted over the weeks. As it would turn out, I really didn't know many people in this part of town. I got a few stares every now and then (which is understandable—a girl who's nearly six foot tall with white hair is kind of hard not to stare) but most of the shop keepers and tenants were no longer phased.

I was content to fade into the background of life.

So I didn't really grasp that someone was calling my name until I about walked into them.

"Tsuki!"

My eyes fluttered up, slightly startled at the sound of a familiar voice. My confusion grew at the angry tone attached to it.

"Where have you _ been_?" Kurenai hissed, stopping in front of me with arms crossed and ready for battle. Crimson eyes narrowed into slits, clearly not willing to accept any answer I would give … if I were capable of speech at the moment.

Dread seemed to have nestled in a nice spot in my throat, and I'm sure my mouth was hanging open silent dread…

"I've trying to get a hold of you for weeks, and Makoto is about ready to come and hunt you down!" Brunette waves tumbled forward from her head band as she shook her head. I winced at the mention of Makoto, my previous mentor whom I had a peculiar relationship with. The image of him was forced out of my head instantly.

"It's been four months since anybody's really _seen _you let alone had a real conversation with you. And now I see you only to find that you robbed a teenage boy for clothes and chopped your hair off…" she frowned and nodded to indicate that my looks probably weren't ideal.

"I… tried cutting it myself b-because it was too long but… it kind of… needed to be fixed…" I squeaked, my voice raspy from lack of use and nerves. Kurenai eyed me thoughtfully now, her gaze turned slightly more forgiving as her arms uncrossed.

"You don't look bad," she sighed. "You actually look healthy."

"Thanks…" I mumbled, glad that the verbal attack ended more quickly than I expected.

And I expected quite a bit.

Kurenai was the cousin of… _him. _She wasn't really supportive of my decisions, and I knew she still had reservations about me, but she accepted me. She treated me like she would any other family member of the same age—with tough love.

"And it's good that I caught up with you here instead of kicking down your door the next time you ignored mine or anyone else's calls…" she scolded gently, and turned to start walking with me.

I swallowed roughly, almost giving in to a rush of tender emotion that attempted to surface. A part of me wanted to tell her, right then and there, that she didn't have to do this. She didn't have to care or take responsibility for me in any way—especially not anymore. There was no longer a familial obligation to put up with me now…

My brow curved up ever so slightly with tension.

"You're still family, Tsuki. Even now, and that won't change." A small chuckle escaped her lips as she nudged me in the side, raising her eyebrows at my inner conflict. "I worked too hard to get you in my good graces to let you go anywhere."

I needed a distraction from the feelings swirling around in my head, at least before they settled. I just… I wasn't quite ready to feel without having my chest rip open the wound I was trying to hide.

"The rest of your family won't be quite so forgiving…" I pointed out, giving her what felt like a doubtful stare. My facial expressions really held no actual portrayal of anything anymore.

"I know… but most of them are crazy from using genjutsu so much, anyways so what do they count?" The corner of her mouth twitched upward, but I knew it was still a sensitive subject in the family.

"I thought you hated me for the longest time as well, Kurenai…"

She blinked, her red painted lips pursing for a moment in thought. When she responded, her answer was carefully concocted—she was subtly trying to avoid saying anything that would upset my mentality.

"It was never that I hated you, Tsuki. It was more along the lines that I thought the both of you were crazy. I've never been the over romantic type, so I didn't really believe in any of the things that were happening with you guys… but in the end, I couldn't avoid loving you as family. You just… had this way of pulling people in—you were a force to be reckoned with, and I was merely a victim." A playful grin flashed across the brunette's features, and I felt… _stunned. _A raspy laughed escaped her and she turned towards her destination, waving over her shoulder.

"I hope you get back to that one day, Tsuki. You may have been weird, but it worked for you."

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**Uh, wow. Long time no update. To the few who ready this, I'm... really sorry. Lame, I know. However, I'm coming back to this story, I promise. I already had the next few chapters finished, so I'll be getting those out, and then it's back to work for me.**

**Huzzah and Happy Holidays!**


	6. Chapter 6

I will say that it was nice having Kurenai around again.

At the few chunin meetings I had attended before our make shift reunion, I had been avoided. I was strange, a freak, mean, intimidating, selfish, etc., etc.

It was humorous how I'd hear these words thrown around under people's breaths when I had never talked to any of them. How would any of them truly know what kind of person I was, if the only time I spoke was when the Hokage asked a direct question?

Then Kurenai, who had been previously gone on rather lengthy missions for the other meetings, took a seat right next to me. No hesitation what so ever, and it looked as though her thoughts were wrapped around something else than the fact that every shinobi in the room was now looking at her from the corner of their eyes.

I fought the oncoming twitch of a smile.

"Tsuki-san."

"Hai, Hokage-sama," I responded, meeting the older man's gaze. He watched me carefully for a minute, almost rethinking what he was about to say. He laced his fingers together thoughtfully.

"I need to speak with you after the meeting, so stick around."

Silence permeated the atmosphere, some of it indignant and some confused. Eyes now willingly turned towards me, but my own were still focused on Sarutobi.

I could feel Kurenai tense up beside me, but the only thing I could do was nod respectfully in response. Finally, the Hokage blinked and looked at the rest of the chunin in the room. "More information will be disclosed later, but for now, you all are aware of your duties. I will send for you when it's time. This meeting is dismissed."

I stood slowly, as the rest of my fellow chunin dissipated—glancing at me with suspicious gazes. When the room finally cleared, Sarutobi motioned for me to approach the desk, our gazes locked in an unspoken test of sorts. My foot lifted slightly, but then dropped in hesitation. Nerves sent jitters down to my knee caps, causing me to feel even more unstable than usual. I cleared my throat to speak.

"I'd to prefer to stay here, if I may, Hokage-sama."

A weathered eyebrow rose in curiosity, but he said nothing.

"You will be going on a mission to River Country. We believe there is where some of our fellow shinobi are being held by opposing forces. Your mission is only to confirm or deny this claim. Should it be true, you will promptly notify me and higher ranking squads will be sent. You will stay to meet them, but you will not act on your own. This mission is ranked at a tentative B with the possibility to get ranked at an A for impending complications—do you think you are capable?"

"Who are these opposing forces, Hokage-sama?" I asked clearly, hoping my voice never wavered. It seemed as though we were having a staring contest, but neither one of us caved. It was almost amusing if it weren't for the situation being discussed.

"Mist nin. We believe they are rogues that set up a makeshift base in the River Country."

A hidden base I was to investigate but not infiltrate? None of what he was telling me made sense, starting with the fact that he telling _me _this. I felt as though there was something he was keeping from me, and I fought the urge to search for meanings that may or may not be there.

"Am I to go alone, Hokage-sama?"

"Hai. This is a job meant specifically for you."

"But...why? A lowly, reinstated chunin—what in my mediocre record could make you want to send me out on an investigation on a possible recon?" I felt my eyebrows slide together, momentarily forgetting my formal speech. My voice was still monotone, analytical even, but I couldn't even begin to fathom the reason why I was standing here talking about this.

Sarutobi stared at me for a moment longer, before silently rising and heading to the open window beside me. Moments passed before he smiled, the sunlight dancing off the gentle lines now settled in his features.

"Tsuki, what do you remember about your mother?"

My heart stopped beating for a moment. Air rushed between my lips, but no words came to me. Shock had paralyzed me. The Hokage, paused only for a moment, as if knowing my reaction would be something similar.

"She was a very strong kunoichi. She worked in the medical field mostly, because she had come here with such a young child, and didn't want to orphan you. As you got older, she began taking a few missions—ones that I asked her to do, often testing her capabilities," he chuckled slightly, shaking his head.

"Your mother had a very high success rate, and I found it baffling as to why. She was an amazing medical nin, a doctor that was extremely resourceful and highly intelligent—very few could count as her equals. And although this part of her life was very impressive, she did not have a record of her work outside the hospital. She was not originally from Konoha, though she lived in the Fire Country, and became a citizen here only after she had you. Therefore, I did not know what capabilities she had… until I asked her."

"And… what were they?" I breathed, my hands hanging limply at my side. The older man flashed a larger smile, and turned to me.

"I think it's time, Tsuki, that you learned one of your mother's greatest secrets."

"What secret?" My voice sounded far away, even to my ears. He chuckled slightly, and then captured my gaze once more with smiling, gentle eyes.

"_You_."

My mouth opened slightly, as if to say something, but a small knock sounded at the door.

I briefly recognized a voice of one of the secretaries announcing someone, but it was over my head at this point. Something in me snapped back to reality, and I bowed politely to Sarutobi before taking my leave.

Right as I reached the door, I suddenly found myself face to face with a mask and a mess of silver hair.

Hatake Kakashi.

I felt bad for my poor neighbor, always running in to me. I was rude to him, weird, reclusive and now, he was looking at the expression on my face as if I had just seen a ghost.

"Excuse me, Hatake-san. I'm… so sorry. Really…" I babbled, shaking my head and walking around him. My eyebrows were curved upward in worry, and my voice sounded weak, even to me.

He didn't say anything back, but I could feel his gaze follow me down the hall and out the door.

* * *

**I don't really like this chapter. I found it difficult to write too. I think I might double post so I can pretend to move past it really quickly. **

**Pathetic? I think so. Onwards!**


	7. Chapter 7

My mother…

My _mother_?

My hand searched for a solid object to lean on, finding the familiar feeling of bark beneath my palms as my forehead fell forward. I attempted to take deep breaths, but only to have my shock calm just enough for me to force some focus.

Of course. I shouldn't be surprised that mother never told me _anything. _A mother who trained me without telling me the reasons why I needed to and then disappeared without a trace when I was barely old enough to reach the counter tops.

She was good, though. She even managed to keep something from me that was about me.

I ground my teeth bitterly, punching the tree in front of me. A few leaves managed to shake loose and drifted around me. Anger felt foreign to me-it had been far too long since I've felt anything so intense- but oddly enough, some part of me recognized that it didn't feel necessarily wrong.

"I think you should probably pick on someone your own size," a familiar voice sounded. I didn't bother turning around.

"I suppose I'm your assignment now, Hatake-san."

"Only for a small while," he added, stepping forward in to my line of sight. I stood up straight and sighed, looking through the tree tops as I collected myself. He stared only a moment before continuing.

"Hokage-sama asked me to go over the terrain with you, and make sure you know everything you can."

I nodded without asking questions. I had actually learned a lot about Kakashi, and his knowledge of the River Country didn't surprise me.

"Ah," I sighed again. "I apologize for the inconvenience then. I will try my best not to be a bother."

* * *

Kakashi eyed the woman in front of him. Her expression when she left the Hokage's office had caught him off guard—just for the simple fact that it was an actual expression. And now she was standing in front of him, angered, bitter, with the softest hint of sadness.

Speckled sunlight danced across her face, and the same theory came to mind as before: a blank canvas. She keeps a monotone and leaves her face empty, and with that it leaves her as almost ugly. Distasteful. Yet in anger and sadness, she was slightly… beautiful. The sunlight hitting her face had a glittering affect that he found interesting. Even in a world where he had seen so many bizarre things, he couldn't help but think that nobody else in the world could look like Tsuki.

The last bit of her conversation with Sarutobi entered his mind. Her mother? What two people could possibly produce a creature that looked like this?

He shook his head slightly.

"I know that whatever your mother has hidden from you is probably important—to your mission, and to your own identity, but everything happens for a reason. Maybe she just never got the chance to tell you."

"Wrong." She looked at him directly now, her eyebrows arched a little with a sad smile on her face. It was a slightly mocking expression, but it suited her somehow.

Kakashi blinked, a little taken aback.

"My mother forced me into this life. I thought being a shinobi was the only life I had, and that's because she told me that. She was all I had, and I didn't know anyone else who could've told me differently. She never told me if I had any other family, not even my father. I barely knew my own mother, and I never got the chance to ask her anything because she left me before I could."

"…I'm sorry," he hesitated, not entirely sure what to say to such a confession.

"Don't apologize. She's not dead," Tsuki stated blankly, crossing her arms and looking off to the side, pursing her lips. Again, Kakashi felt a little surprised.

"She's still alive, I know that much. She disappeared willingly and left me without anything."

Silenced settled upon them again, and he found himself staring at her curiously. Admittedly, he did not have the fondest of feelings for his neighbor, but it was his curiosity and an odd sense of understanding that kept them there comfortably. Her features descended into a gentle sadness and she shook her head.

"I really am sorry Hatake-san."

"Oh?" he murmured, raising his eyebrow slightly. "What for?"

"That I am so rude to you, that you now have to help me, and even for you being here and listening—I am sorry." She looked at him apologetically now, sincere for the first time in the process of knowing her. "More sorry, I think, than I could ever explain."

Kakashi felt his lid lower slightly in recognition.

"You tend to apologize a lot—in fact, you often apologize for the way you act yet you still choose to act that way. It seems as though your attitude is only a method of fending others off—and it seems you've succeeded so far. But it won't work forever, Tsuki. Even without realizing it, you've revealed more to me than just a story of your mother."

Her lips parted slightly in surprise, her brow curving upward in the process. Kakashi didn't really want to give her time to respond to his words, which he realized now that he probably said too much. Not to mention, his high and mighty speech suddenly reminded him of his oldest friend.

He mentally shook it off.

"Well, I suppose we have some business to attend to, don't we?" His eye curved into a gentle smile, and the only thing Tsuki seemed capable of doing was merely nodding in response.

* * *

**Boom. Double post. Even if it's short.**

**You know, I always find it intriguing to write for a younger Kakashi. It makes me particularly excited because while I still try to write within the realm of his character, I still get a little freedom at imagining him developing into an adult. I can't help myself. I'm intrigued. **


End file.
